I am a big believer
in life after death, I have been since I was a little girl through my own personal
experiences, I think when someone close to you passes away you just have hope to
have some kind of sign from them to let you know they are ok, but at the same
time you do not want to drive yourself mad looking for it and be disappointed if
you don’t see or hear from your loved one.
I am open
about what I believe in and accept everyone has their own opinions about this
topic but I wanted to write about this as I feel many people who has suffered
loss always wonders if their loved ones are around them and some may even crave
for some kind of sign which is exactly how I feel.
Only last
week myself and Kevin were in our local Smyths store starting our Christmas
shopping, we don’t get to do too many things with just ourselves as we are
always busy so it was nice to have some quality time with just the two of us,
as we waited in the queue with our hands full of prezzies I noticed this little
girl skipping past me with long dark hair she was stunning, my heart melted and
just smiled to myself trying to keep it together in front of Kevin and of
course everyone else around me, it was when I heard her mother call her name ‘Isabella’....
I literally lost my breath from the pure shock of hearing her name, I looked directly
at Kevin and his face just turn pure white, I wanted to drop everything and
run, I could not believe it out of all the names we hear hers, I have never
heard her name before as it is unusual which is why we choose it, why did we
hear it, how was it that out of all of the places in the shop she said her name
right in front of us, we walked out and tears were just pouring down my face
feeling the pain of emptiness and realizing that we should be shopping for our
2 children and not one.
As we drove back I thought to myself, what if
this was meant to happen but to not upset us but as a message to let us know
she is around us always, I suppose it is turning a negative situation into a
positive and seeing things in a different light instead of darkness.
During
Isabella’s burial I asked one of my good friends to arrange a white dove to be
released, I thought this could be a symbolic sign for her spirit to be released
to the heavens above, my heart melted when she walked up towards us with a
beautiful white basket, she opened it up and there the dove looked at us and
then flew up into the sky, I looked up and noticed the sun breaking through the
fluffy clouds as if an opening appeared welcoming our baby girl.
A few days past when Kevin’s brother said that he went to visit her grave and noticed a
white butterfly on her cross, as soon as I heard I liked to think it was her
letting him know she was still around, that very same week Kevin was in the
garden and felt something on his hand, to his amazement it was a white
butterfly, as he told me I could see in his face full of hope that it was a
sign but I couldn’t help feel the emotion of jealously, why not me? Why as her
mother have I not had a sign, I felt maybe I did do something wrong that I didn’t
deserve it, but not long after she did said hello or so I like to believe.
I remember
it was the day of Bike Fest in Killarney, one of Kevins good friends arranged
for him to have a tattoo to honor our Isabella which meant the world to Kevin,
I remember I was sitting in the garden looking up in the sky waiting to leave,
I looked across the garden and there the white butterfly flew across and over
the fence, there it was my little sign, a tear ran down my cheek knowing in my
heart she was letting me know she was around, that very same day my Nan called
to check up on me I remember her words as clear as day, she said ‘ I am sitting here in the sun in my garden
and I saw a beautiful white butterfly just came out of nowhere and flew right
in front of me and it reminded me of our Isabella’ the phone went quite as I tried to process
what my Nan just said to me, did I tell her? No I didn’t, out of anything that
could have happened as a sign it was linked to a white butterfly, I then
explained to her what has been happening and she said that it sounded like she
wanted us to know she is always around.
I know this
may sound out there, but isn’t it lovely to think something like this is symbolic,
what is the harm in thinking this way? There is no harm in thinking or
presuming this being linked but you would have to question is this just a
coincidence? or is our little angel talking to us in her own little way,
letting us know that she is still around us....well, I like to think it’s her,
if you have a loved one and notice a sign, do not just ignore it and think you
are just over thinking it, you should embrace it, believe it is a message from
above saying hello, they are ok and they will always be around you..
Mother to an angel xx
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